i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
