yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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