If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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