Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize