So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
