I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
