Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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