i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There r osticjed everywhere
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
