im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dear god my vagina.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize