shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
