that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
