my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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