Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
