Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
