I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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