for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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