Non-Jews are for practice
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
