he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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