I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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