toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
