Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
