I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
