Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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