Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
