I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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