chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
