Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
not ubering you a puppy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
