it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
