dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
