found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
