Porn is love you can see.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am one with the molecules
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
