I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
