Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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