why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We don't watch enough power rangers
She needs sedatives and a leash
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
