We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
