If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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