I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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