My Higher Power is John Stamos
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
