Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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