remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
