Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
