im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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