My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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