i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
