Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
