if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
