Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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