She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize