I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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