3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How does one acquire holy water?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
