Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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