in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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