How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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