What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
