I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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