Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
