Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
