I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
