it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
