strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
