How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
