you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
