I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
