I showed him my bush... on skype.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
