Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
