Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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