The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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