he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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