just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
