I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
